Monday, January 11, 2010

Jan 2010

Well, Hello there! it has been an extremly long time since I have been on this blog but thoght I would begin again with it as I feel it will be very unwinding and focus time. I celebrated my 37th birthday last month in Dec. and honestly having kinda a hard time dealing with the fact I am now very close to 40...I know 3 more years. But it's just hard facing that my 20's are gone. I have had a wonderful life so far, Blessed with 6 wonderful children and a great husband. But I liked the fact that I was a young mom to my oldest 2 now with my last 2 I will be old when they are teens. How will I keep up? Will they think I am too old to go to the mall with them? I want to have fun with my daughters when they get to be teens not an old lady. Also a part of me just never grasped I would be "one of those middle aged women" but I find myself not really caring that I am in the store with no makeup and hair hasnot been done and I have whatever on, not caring to hold in my stomach...what has happened to me? Do I still want to be attractive...of course, I think it is a fear that I can't...we've all seen those old women who try and dress and look young and they end up looking ridculous.
I really want to come to an inner peace knowing that turning 37 and even in 3 years 40 and then after that that it doesnot have to be a depressing thing of doom n gloom. I look back at pics of when I was in my late 20's and just wish I would of appreciated my youth more.What was I complaining about?? I don't feel that I should be this old?
I find myself looking at other women and wondering how old they are , looking at older people and wondering what will I look like when I am their age. Will my hubby still find me attractive with no figure and sags and wrinkles? I know what you r me I am getting on my own nerves with this. I now am buying anti age cremes, hair color, my son told me I have old hands and feet ..well I need to buy some heavy duty moisturizer.
Oh well....Life but I sure am kicking n screaming down this whole age hall thing.... this totally sucks..but I am Thankful I am alive and I am thankful God has given great DNA and genes, my parents look amazing for old people!LOL I am thankful for a wonderful family and children and hubby who loves me. I wonder if he feels the same as I do about him with the aging.... No he doesnot look the same as when we dated and first got married......BUT I find him MORE attractive now with his graying hair here n there and little bit of smile lines he has I find very distinquished. Could it be that as we age we gain confidence and wisdom and knowledge of life that life is about more than what we think it is when we are 18 and 19. Maybe It's the Unconditional Love I know He has for me that attracts me, maybe it's that Really True Love and true attraction runs much deeper than surface I think our looks matter don't get me wrong but its the character and what is in the person that comes shining thru. My Hubby can light up a room when he walks in it....His smile, his laugh is amazing.
I guess that leaves me here...instead of fighting the aging process which is gonna happen embrace the wisdom and strength I have and be the woman God intends me to be. I hope God gives me some awesome good looks to go along with it but ya know..... LOL I will develop more Internal character, my attitude, my Love I give to others. Yes I will do my best exercise, eat as best I can and use my awesome Melalueca products but the main thing my spirit! Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks at the Heart!

No comments: